The letter to my homies in the cemetery ,

you know , i missin y'all guys , i wish that y'all could be here so i can share all my fears and sadness , eventhough many things people said about y'all , but y'all are brother to me , y'all showed me a brotherhood love , i appreciate that ,
i always prayin for y'all hapiness and peace in the other world ,

" i'm missin they all , that locate in the cemetery "

My hopes and my wishes

In the event of my demise,
When my heart beat no more,
i hope i die in a better day,
and a belief that i had lived for.
I feel that i will die before my time ,
because i feel that shadow's depth ,
so much i wanted to accomplish before i reach it ,
i want to die in glory , so when i die people will remember me ,

i hope that i can send my message to the world and change the world form before i die, eventhough it's impossible ,

the most that i hope , before my time come , i want to feel once again how to love someone and to be loved ,


u.aaningg / makavelli

I cry , my truest feelin ,

I cry ,
sometimes when i'm alone ,

i cry , cause i'm on my own ,
the tears i cry are bitter are warm ,
they flow with life ,but take no form ,

i cry because my heart is torn, i find it difficult to carry on ,if i had ear to confiding,
i would cry among my treasured friend ,
but who do you know ??That stops that long ? ?
There's no one.
The world moves fast ,and it would rather past by,
then to stop and see what makes one cry , so painful and sad .

" only god knows how much painful sadness that i've survived "

a better life , for tommorow that i can change.

everybody is at war with different thing , i'm at war with my own heart and my own life , no one knows my struggle . what they've see is only my trouble . no one alive has ever witnessed the struggle i've survived ,

you know i wonder if they'll laugh when i'm dead.
why am i dying to live ??
If i just living to fight
what am i trying to see ??
If there ain't nothing insight
what am i trying to give ??
when no one gives me a try.
why am i dying to live ??
If i'm just living to die.

It's on me , i'm still having memories when my beloved person passed away , as i laugh my homies dies in the car crash,
i was young and i was dumb but i've still had heart , in the dark where i've survived through the bad part , many dreams is what i had and plenty of wishes , no hesitation of it.

A couple of story , now i got whole people around me try to screwed me even my family member try to do it ,
what can i do ? But to stay true , people around me try to test me got the press asking question try to stress me. 'misery' is all i see that's my mind state.

today is filled with anger ,
fueled with hidden hate,
scared of being outcast,
afraid of common fate,
today is built on tragedies,
which no one wants to face it,

tonight i lay my head down , i don't want to reminisce on my past fear ,but the pressure never stops knowing at my misery , i want to change my life !

but tommorow i never see any change , a chance that i hope to build a new life ,
built on spirit intent of heart and ideals , based on truth ,

but i've become strong , because of pride to know that i'm fight with all my heart to keep all my dreams alive .

Eventhough it's hard to carry on , when knowing that no one will ever support me but i was still hopin .

" a better life for tommorow that i can change "

the letter to : ' her late nur izzatul syafikah '

a new year with my new hope , but you're still inside my heart and my mind.it's been 3 years since you're leaving us , i've shed so many tears for our memories together , life must go on , this is my letter and poet to you .

" you're the omega of my heart , the foundation of my conception of love ,
when i think about woman around me , it's you that i first to think of , you'll understand how deeply my heart feels for you , you're my heart in human form .
a closet friend that cannot be replace.
I miss you so deeply , thought back at the time , i never thought i'd see your face in my dreams , ain't no woman alive that could ever take your place ,
and even you're not here my friend , you're always was my queen, i finally understand the meaning of word called 'love' ,
they say i'm wrong and heartless but all along , i was looking for it's meaning,

i miss you so deeply if i reminisce the support, you've gave to me , cause when i was low , you we're there for me ,and never left me alone because you're cared for me.when you're still here i can always depend on you .
And when it seems that i'm hopeless , you say the words that can get me back focus , when i was sad , to kept me happy there's no limit to the thing that u did for me , and all our sweet memories are full with sweet things you did for me.No matter who i was.

There's are no words that can express how i feel , cause you never kept a secret but always stayed real. And i appreciate all extra love that you've gave to me , i wish that i could take your place so you can be here right now .

It's struggle for everyday for me , but i gotta roll on cause every lesson in my eyes seen , there's big exchange , the future inside of me , i must remember that tommorow come after the dark

" so you'll always be in my heart,with unconditional love "



u.aaningg / makavelli

in the depths of solitude.

I still exist in the depth of solitude pondering my true goal .
Trying to find peace on my mind and still preserve my soul constantly yearning to be accepted.
and from all receive respects never comprising but somestimes risky .
and that is only my only regret , a young heart with an old soul .
How can there be peace inside me ? ? If there's always rejected and crictisized from all people around me , i'm always hoping a better days so i can always leave peacefully.and so now on

" i'm still on my own in the depths of solitude "


u.aaningg / makavelli

i'm back ,

my poet story ,